ESSENTIAL CHURCH AND CHILDREN’S MINSTRY #4

By Wanda Parker

I continue writing in relation to the book “Essential Church?”  To read previous Blogs click here #1,  here#2 and here#3 

Page 36 “Our youth see adults in teh church begrudgingly serving in areas for which they have little passion.”

Does your church have to beg people to serve in Children’s Ministry?

Serving children should be considered an honor, a high calling. 

As a Children’s Pastor I had high expectations of those who would serve.

• Attend an all day training in the Fall
• Attend monthly training/planning times
• Write out a plan of how they would disciple each kid beyond Sunday morning
• Minister every Sunday for nine months (yes there were substitutes for when “Disciplers” were sick or out of town)
• Given an evaluation every three months
• Be enthused and prepared
• Be vulnerable – share their own walk with the Lord with the kids – important to share the tough times

Volunteers will give you 80% of what you expect of them so you should always be expecting 120%.

I have watched as the church has lowered its expectations of those serving the children.  So as the church lowers its expectations those serving lower what they do.  We need strong leadership who will challenge people to move beyond their comfort zone.  We need to be continually reminding people of Matthew 18: 1-14 and Mark 10:13-16. 

Children know if they are truly valued.

An expensive state of the art space does not mean children are valued.  It is all about RELATIONSHIP!  plus TRUTH

Below is a story from my personal experience of how adults should be engaging children in Children’s Ministries.

Faithful adults teach coping skills for the hard knocks of life.  By being role models, they help children learn how to deal with the injustices in life. 

A Sunday school teacher was about to quit.  She had had it!  The kids weren’t responding to her and they were rude to the point of being belligerent.  She told the children’s pastor that, since she couldn’t take it any longer, this would be her last Sunday. 

“What is your lesson about this Sunday?” the pastor asked. 

“It’s on how God gets us through hard times,” she answered. 

“Well, has God helped you through a difficult time recently?” questioned the pastor. 

The teacher said, “You know He has.  My husband filed for divorce and I didn’t want to have anything to do with it.  Without Jesus walking with me each step of the way, I don’t know how I would have survived.” 

The pastor encouraged “Well, tell the kids about your struggle.” 

“My third graders?  Tell my third graders about my divorce?” she asked hesitantly. 

“Yes, tell your third graders.  They need to know that God helps people today.  They need to know that you are a real person with real problems and God is sufficient for those problems.” 

The next week as the pastor entered the Christian education wing, the Sunday school teacher came out of her room with mascara streaked down her face. 

“You won’t believe what happened today,” she said excitedly. 

“Tell me!” the pastor prodded. 

“Well, I told them all about my divorce.  I began to cry and they cried with me.  I told them about how God has really helped me.  Then, one by one, each of them told me about a tragedy in their own lives.  We all cried with each other.  It is the best morning I have ever had.” 

Faithful adults can identify needs. 

By being open and vulnerable with her third graders, the Sunday school teacher gave the children permission to be open and vulnerable with her.  She heard stories of homes that were falling apart, of families needing support and encouragement, and of children needing to know that God can meet all their needs.

Meeting needs doesn’t mean things will get better – it does mean Jesus’ presence and the knowledge there is a purpose in the pain one is going through.  It does mean strength to keep on keeping on when you think you won’t be able to.  Kids need to grasp these truths – not the lie that if you come to Jesus your life will be wonderful and without pain.

“Essential Church?” and Children’s Ministry #3

By Wanda Parker

I continue my comments in regard to Essential Church? by Thom and Sam Rainer.  Check two previous posts #1 here and #2 here

On page 27 we read, “… the youngest generation doesn’t necessarily leave their faith; rather they leave their church.”

Don’t we see this over and over in the Old Testament?  The second generation may still have their faith but the third generation “knows not God.” – Abraham, Isaac, Jacob (Jacob did wrestle with God and came back), David, Solomon, Absolom – what others can you add?

I think it was Bruce Wilkinson who first brought this to my attention over 20 years ago.  He pointed out that as we raise up children we want them to be First Generation Christians.

First Generation Christians Know God and Know His Power

Second Generation Christians know God but know not His power.

Third Generation Christians know not God nor His power. 

If we are going to raise up First Generation Christians we must first KNOW GOD AND KNOW HIS POWER ourselves.  Then we must expose our children to situations where they have to be dependent on God so they can experience His power. 

 I have never met any one who has expressed the wonder of experiencing God’s power when they have been living a life where they were always in control.  Experiencing God’s power requires that one lives on the edge where they are dependent on God.  In America it may be more difficult than it is in other places – but it is still possible. We must stop overprotecting our children which keeps them from discovering the power of God in their lives.

When we become our children’s god they don’t feel the need for the one true God.

Are the adults in your church so dependent on God in all aspects of life that kids are taking notice?

• Are the finances of adults in your church focused on God’s will or their own wants?
• Are adults of your church out in the world serving where it isn’t always comfortable?
• Do adults and kids leave your church on a Sunday morning challenged to go and make a difference?
• Do kids in your church feel they are an important part of your church and that they would be missed if they weren’t there?

A family moved out of state and were attending a large mega church that had a WOW fun time Children’s Ministry.  After a year the family moved back to our community and to our church.  One of the sons came to me the first Sunday back and said, “Wanda, I’m so glad to be back here.”  I asked, “Why? You went to a big fun church with lots of stuff, videos and all – why do you like it here so much?”

“Because I know you love me.”

As you live on the edge totally dependent on Jesus do not forget the importance of relationships within the Body of Christ.

Essential Church? and Children’s Ministry/Discipleship part 2

By Wanda Parker,

Last week I began blogging (click here) in regard to the book “Essential Church?”  This book is a must read for anyone working with children and/or youth.

“Certain absolutes found within Scripture are so crucial that a Christian should be willing to sacrifice his or her life for them.”  Page16

Wow!  Powerful and so true.  These truths and this type of commitment should be taught from the time the child enters the nursery.  It isn’t taught with words at that stage but through the commitment of the adults. 

Do adults in your church give up their wants so that the children of your church have adults committed to walk through life with them?

Where do parents spend the most time with their kids?  On the soccer field or in the church?  From where parents spend their time what are the kids learning is important to mom and dad?  Why are kids leaving the church in droves?  Probably one important reason is because moms and dads have taught them through their actions that everything but church is important.

Below is an excerpt from the White Paper on Competition and Emotional Development click here to read entire paper 

From the time my own children were infants, I have prayed asking the Lord to teach me how to raise my children up to be godly adults.  I felt totally inadequate but the Lord found varying means to teach me. 

Joe, my husband, was on staff with Open Doors with Brother Andrew when our children were in early elementary school.  As part of Joe’s ministry, we were part of a team sent to take Bibles into China.  While in Hong Kong, we met a family who had only recently escaped from China.  

The mother of the family told us the story of her family while her eldest surviving son translated for her.  In the mid-1960’s during the Cultural Revolution, the Red Guard had come to their home and wrenched their four children from the home.  The Red Guard had set up a bench in front of their home and made the four children, ages 11, 10, 6 and 3, sit on the bench.  They called all the neighbors to come watch what was about to take place.  

Then the soldiers went from child to child asking if he loved Jesus.  When the child responded, “Yes, I love Jesus,” the soldier would hit the child in the face, knocking him to the ground.  The soldiers went to each child several times, but the oldest, Steven, got beaten over and over because he refused to renounce Jesus.  

Finally the soldiers turned from the children to attack the parents.  Stephen crawled into their home and lay down on his mat.  Daniel, the 10-year-old followed him in and knelt beside him. 

“Don’t tell mama but I’m dying Daniel I’m dying.” The 11–year-old declared. 

Just then Mama came and knelt beside her son her head had been shaved.    “Mama, mama, I’m dying. Mama, I’m dying.  Mama, you have to forgive them. Mama, you have to forgive them.”  Then lifting his hand toward heaven, he cried out, “I see Jesus, Mama. I see Jesus.” And he was gone. 

I looked at this woman who had just told me the story of her eleven year old son whom she had watched be beaten to death and there was a peace on her face.  “Mama, how do you raise a child so that at the age of 11, he will not renounce Jesus, though he be beaten to death?” I quietly asked. 

She looked me in the eye and she said, “There are three things you must do.” 

“From the time your child is born, you must teach him that he must never renounce Jesus nor another Christian.  Your life might be dependent on that other believer.” 

“Secondly, you must pray sacrificially for your children.  That means you are praying so much for your children that you are giving up things you want to do for yourself because you are praying for your children.” 

I will never forget the little chuckle she gave before she continued, “Thirdly, and this is hardest for you in the West.  You must let your children suffer.  They will never grow strong if they don’t suffer.  If there is nothing natural that causes suffering in their life, then create a reason for them to suffer.” 

I was so excited when I got home.  These sounded like such good sound principles to follow.  I could hardly wait to share these principles with my friends.  The first person with whom I shared was a close friend and she wept as I shared Mama’s story.  

When I was finished, my friend looked at me and said, “But Wanda, if my children suffer, then I will suffer and I don’t want to suffer. 

It was one of those “ah-ha” moments of life.  How much of our parenting, how much of our nurturing of children is about what makes me feel good rather than what the child really needs? 

This made me realize that as adults we must constantly look at what each child’s real need is.  We must be careful to not do what makes us feel good, nor what makes him feel good today, but is harmful for his future.  

Healthy nurturing of children will often cause adults to feel uncomfortable, cause adults to suffer.  (For a tragic story of adults’ faulty-reasoning in providing comfort today but long term pain in a child’s life, go to the KidTrek White Paper on Secondary Nurturers.  http://kidtrek.org/white/        

God’s command to us in Deuteronomy 6:7 & 8 tells us how to raise up children. 

“You shall teach them diligently to your sons and shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way and when you lie down and when you rise up.

You shall bind them as a sign on your hand and they shall be as frontals on your forehead.” 

In verse 4 we read, “O Israel,” this wasn’t a command to just the parents but to the entire nation.  The entire church is responsible to live out Deuteronomy 6 with the children in the church. 

Is your church intentionally doing this?

“Essential Church?” and Children’s Ministry

By Wanda Parker

If you minister with children and/or youth, if you are a parent, if you are a pastor –  and you haven’t read “Essential Church?” by Thom and Sam Rainer – YOU SHOULD.

The church is in deep trouble.  According to the Rainers’ research 70% of churched kids are walking away from the Lord because the church has never been made essential in their lives. 

I really like what they are saying and I am going to add my penny’s worth of wisdom that I’ve learned over my 40 years of working with children and parents.  As I read the book I will blog in response.

1. In talking about the non-essential church the Rainers say,  ”They have no clear process or structure for making disciples, in obedience to the Great Commission of Matthew 28:19-20″ pg 6

Does your church have a plan for the individualistic discipleship of children from birth up?  If they  don’t you are going to lose many of your own children.

Years ago I was told of study where they took adult siblings who had grown up in Christian homes and one had walked away from the Lord while the other continued to walk with the Lord.  The question they were asking was “Why?”  I think that when they began they thought they would learn that it was something that happened within the home.

BUT!  What they learned was that the sibling who walked away from the Lord had never felt connected to the local church growing up.

The sibling who continued to walk with the Lord into adulthood had close connections with adults within the local body of Christ other than mom and dad.

In other words he was discipled by members of the church other than mom and dad.  He felt he was ESSENTIAL TO THE CHURCH because of these intentional relationships.

This feeling of being essential to the church must begin in the Nursery. 

KidTrek is passionate about equipping The Church to disciple children who will grow to become Christ-changed, hope-filled, productive adults.  Click here if your church would like to know more about getting equipped to disciple their children. 

” My only concern was quality. Size came as a result…

“Be sure the core of your work is good…
It is never a question of building a bigger Sunday School
but rather of building a better one.”
Henrietta Mears

                                                                                                                       

Serving the Poor In Truth and Righteousness

Wanda Parker

It does not require a majority to prevail, but rather an irate, tireless minority keen to set brush fires in people’s minds.
Samuel Adams

We can make a difference with a few irate, tireless, passionate individuals.  Will you join us?  If we awakened the church – the sleeping giant of our day –  Jesus would receive His reward. 

It will take Christ followers who are willing to:

 get down and dirty

be uncomfortable

love truth

pray for the desire and strength to obey Almighty God. 

Check out the vision the Lord has given KidTrek to change lives by reading through this Blog or go to www.kidtrek.org

We believe that to make a true difference you must build lasting friendships. You cannot look at those you serve as clients or projects – they must be friends. I’ve said it all before on this Blog so I won’t take the time now – but if you care take the time to bounce through the past writings. 

Then let me know what you think.

After School Christian Summer Curriculum

By Wanda Parker

KidTrek Training
July 14-22, 2009 and October 6-14,2009
Click here for more information

The Country Fair Day Camp Curriculum is ready.

This is a fun curriculum which involves the kids in creating a Country Fair.  Kids need to discover that they are capable of creating and implementing an event that others will enjoy.  I love seeing the excitement and sense of accomplishment when kids see their dreams, plans and hard work produce a fun day for the neighborhood.

Through the week the kids get to experience several different types of art mediums – clay modeling, silhouettes and face painting, vegetable and fruit stamping, mask making and water colors.

They also create performances for the Big Top – illusions, clowning/miming, acting and musical acts.

Then there is science and cooking – yum yum cookies, experiments, plants and bugs and rocks and seashells.

But what I really love to observe is when the kids are led in the creating of a plan for the day of the fair.  At times you can actually see the wheels turning.  In the midst of the planning comes teachable moments in the importance of compromise.  There is also ample opportunity for the kids to think critically as they think out to the day of the fair and how their decisions today will affect what happens on the day of the fair.

What I love about it is that this all just happens naturally.

The kids don’t even realize the important life skills they are learning because they are having so much fun. 

A Country Fair

Training for After School Ministries – 880 Boot Camp Pictures

 Enjoy some pictures from February 2009 880 Boot Camp. 

KidTrek’s next 880 Boot Camp  is July 14-22, 2009 and October 6-14, 2009 – don’t miss out on the fun – more importantly receive quality training for ministering with children. 

See previous post for more information.

 

Learning to lead Bible Focus

What is Guided Conversation? Is it important?

 

Do you do well when you have to work with others?

 

It truly is all about the children - actually it is all about Jesus and the glory He receives when we care for the children. Matthew 18

Balloons?

 

A fun (and very cold) night in Hollywood

 

They aren't exercising, they are memorizing a memory verse.

 

 

Roll playing a crisis

 

Yes there are times of lecture - but they don't make for fun pictures.

 

February, 2009 880 Boot Camp is drawing to a close - a time for prayer, reflection and dedication.

 

But wait! What about all the KidTrek Bucks that were earned all week?

 

There is still a lot of "merchandize" left in the store.

 

The Auction always brings laughter

Now they go to bring honor and glory to Jesus Christ through serving families in crisis.  They are better equipped to make a lasting difference.

After School Training – Testimonial from February, 2009 KidTrek Training

By Wanda Parker

880 Boot Camp
July 14-22, 2009 and October 6-14, 2009

 

“I didn’t know what to expect, except I knew I was in need of some guidance and wanted to bring home tools I could use for our program.

“The long 80 hours in 8 days of training was a time of intense learning, discussion, study, and strategic planning. I was indeed very tired, but I’ve come back…inspired and committed to do my best in serving our Lord with diligence.

“I was trained by brothers and sisters of Christ who are driven for excellence for the Lord. They have committed to equipping leaders to replicate themselves, thereby multiplying the number of families being reached with the gospel of Jesus Christ.

“The KidTrek trainers collectively have a wealth of experience and this was apparent in their stories, presentation, and thorough organized training. I’m really excited that, included with the training, they are giving us 12 months of coaching.

“In order to maintain the focus that our “Center” is not just an afterschool program, but a ministry, I know we have some hefty goals to work toward.  KidTrek has helped me with a strategic plan in order to be intentional and establish long-term relationships with families. 

“Overall the training was excellent. I would recommend it to anyone who is interested or considering starting an afterschool ministry.

Loraine Fong (February, 2009 Trainee)
After School Director (New Hope Community Church, Sacramento, CA)

  If you are looking for quality training for your after school ministry and or children’s ministry follow these links to learn more -

The 880 Boot Camp http://whymissionaries.wordpress.com/2008/09/10/kidtrek-training/

Children’s Ministry Training  http://whymissionaries.wordpress.com/2008/10/13/childrens-ministry-training/

Applying KidTrek Training to Children’s Ministry http://whymissionaries.wordpress.com/2008/10/20/childrens-ministry-applying-kidtrek-training-to/

Important part of KidTrek Training  http://whymissionaries.wordpress.com/2008/10/22/after-school-training-goal-boarding/

Relational Ministry – Words or Actions?

By Wanda Parker

KidTrek Training

July 14-22, 2009 and October 6-14, 2009

 

I was in the bedroom creating a seminar on the “Love One Another” passages in the Bible when my youngest daughter, who was then in kindergarten, came into the bedroom.  Dana was fixing herself lunch so she could go to her afternoon kindergarten class and asked me to open the peanut butter jar.

 

My study had so absorbed me that I did not pay attention to her.  Each time she asked, I automatically answered, “Yes, honey,” or “Sure, in just a minute.”

 

Finally, exasperated with her mother’s lack of concern for her needs, Dana took the peanut butter jar and whacked me on the back with it.  She got my attention!

 

Though it hurt, I could not get angry, for the Lord impressed on my heart at the instant of contact with the jar that my study of love had not made me a loving, caring mother, attentive to the needs of my kids.

 

During the last week of His life on earth Jesus gave His disciples a new commandment:

 

147

“A new commandment I give you:  Love one another.  As I have loved you, so you must love one another.  All men will know that you are My disciples if you love one another.” John 13:34-35

 

We can do a lot of talking about love.  We can study the scriptures.  We can intellectually know the difference between agapë, philio, and eros love; however, everything is useless if it does not come alive within and through us.

 

The way we treat the kids and our attitude toward them will speak louder than any words we utter.

 

Relational ministry is taking the lid off the peanut butter jar the first time we are asked.  In doing so, we tell the kid he is valued; he is significant enough to interrupt what we are doing to meet his need.  As we do this, the kid learns that Jesus loves him unconditionally.  We may be the kid’s only link to Jesus.

Youth Development – Emotional Development

By Wanda Parker

 

KidTrek Training

July 14-22, 2009 and October 6-14, 2009

Click here for more information

 

I recently watched a football game between two rival teams of which one was highly favored to win.  In the first quarter, the unfavored team’s defense made some amazing plays.   One young player went wild after each successful play. 

 

My husband said, “That young man is apt to lose the game for this team.”

 

My thoughts were, “Why? He is just celebrating.”

 

“He doesn’t have control of his emotions.  That can mean disaster,” Joe said.

 

Sure enough with 40 seconds left to play and the favored team ahead by two points, the young man received two unsportsmanlike penalties – one on top of the other.  Basically his lack of control of his emotions in the midst of battle lost the game for his team.  Those penalties put his team outside of the realm of a field goal.

 

I couldn’t help but wonder what his childhood had been like. 

·         Did he have a loving adult when he was a child to walk through winning and losing with him and how to deal with the emotions that go with each? 

·         Does he have mature adults now in his life to help him critically think through the consequences of his actions in the heat of battle? 

·         This young man knew neither how to celebrate nor lose graciously. 

 

He did not need adults who would create a pseudo-world where he wouldn’t be able to learn how to handle emotions in the heat of battle, but adults who would have loved him enough to hurt with him while he discovered the truth that life is not easy – nor fair.

 

Competition provides a lab for real life living in which children learn and develop the skills to maneuver through the difficulties of life.  It requires adults guiding them.  In so doing, even if there are immature adults like at a soccer game who act inappropriately, the mature adults in his life can turn the situation around and use it as a teachable moment. 

 

To learn more of how to use competition in the development of children click here