Essential Church? Children’s Discipleship – The Place To Be

Wanda Parker

I continue to Blog on the book “Essential Church?” but relate it to the disicpleship of children (birth-6th grade) as opposed to teens, as the authors Thom and Sam Rainer address.

Page 61 “We want the church to regain its status as the ‘third place.’
“The third place is an anchor of the community, which facilitates relational interaction between people in the community.”

This is what Starbucks has strived to become.  Have you noticed if you go into the same Starbucks for a few times they begin calling you by name when you enter the door.  They remember what you orderon a regular basis too.  It is the place where everyone knows who you are and are glad to see you.

This is what any Esstential Church is – from the time you first enter the church, even if you are only an infant.  It is where you are known, where people are excited to see you. 

I tell the STORY OF AN INFANT here

PRESCHOOL STORY

I remember one Sunday standing outside the 4 year old Sunday morning room as they were releasing children to parents.  A mom came to the door to get her son and when he saw her he began to cry. “No, no I don’t want to leave,” he cried (indicating he wanted to stay for the next service).

“But you have a birthday  party to go to.” mom pleaded.

“No, I might miss something.” the little boy cried.

“But there will be cake and ice cream and you may win a prize,” mom continued to plead.

Mom of course won but I stood in the background telling God, “Yes! yes! thank you Lord for making this a welcoming, good place for this child – better than a birthday party.”

ELEMENTARY STORY

Dad had been oversees for a year in the military, while he was gone mom had started bringing the kids to church.  The kids were excited because dad was coming home the following Saturday – no one expected to see them Sunday morning.  BUT there the WHOLE family was walking up to the church.

Dad had gotten home close to midnight but one of the first things the kids told him was that they all had to go to church the next moring.  They were in their parents’ bedroom early waking mom and dad up telling them to get up.  Dad said they told him how great church is and that he had to come and see how great it is too. 

Three stories of the church becoming an essential place, becoming the third place, to children.  Oh yes the first place is home and the second place is school.

I use to tell our team of shepherds and disciplers that we needed to develop a ministry through which kids would grow up feeling so connected to the church that one of the first places they wanted to go when they came home on Christmas break was to see everyone at church.

How do you do that?  I’d love to hear your stories.

Listed below are my other posts on the Essential Church and Discipling Children with more stories of how I’ve seen the church become an essential place, the third place for kids.

Here are links to previous posts on the Discipleship of Children:  Discipleship and Sumer Sundays click here, Discipleship through Summer Ministry #1 click here, Discipleship through Summer Ministry #2 click here, Discipleship of Infants and Toddlers click here, the high calling of discipling children and the difference adults can make in the life of a child click here,  is your church raising up 1st,  2nd or 3rd generation Christians click here,  the importance of parents modeling their faith, of the church modeling the faith click here, research shows that 70% of churched kids are walking away – does your church have a plan to disciple your children click here

Essential Church – Discipleship of Children – Super Summer Sundays

By Wanda Parker

Summer is an awesome time to get the entire church involved in Children’s Ministry.

Kids need a break from the routine ministry of the school year, at the same time the intentionality of discipleship must not waver.

How better to do that than to enlist people to share their vocations and/or hobbies with the kids.  In doing so they share how the Lord guides them to be a witness for Christ in the world.  They back up what they do with scripture.  The kids thus connect with many more adults in the church.  When they see these adults walking around the church they remember the testimony they heard.

You have adults who commit to be with a group of children every Sunday for the summer, but they have little preparation.  You do train them before they begin and give them tools for discipline, guided conversation, small group disscussion, presenting the gospel, etc.. 

The presenters commit to one Sunday for the summer.  Be sure to provide training for the presenters so the presentation is age appropriate. 

For Sundays when it is difficult to get enough presenters have a Bible Scavenger Hunt or a Bible Treasure Hunt on the campus of the church.  Do other creative things that get the kids into the Bible during the summer but keep them excited and engaged throughout.

My experience has been that by the end of summer the kids are looking forward to getting back into the routine of the school year.

When people have a good experience with the kids they are open to do more in Children’s Church.  You want to be continually thinking of how to make children’s ministry front and center in the church and in a positive light. 

Here are links to previous posts on the Discipleship of Children:  Discipleship through Summer Ministry #1 click here, Discipleship through Summer Ministry #2 click here, Discipleship of Infants and Toddlers click here, the high calling of discipling children and the difference adults can make in the life of a child click here,  is your church raising up 1st,  2nd or 3rd generation Christians click here,  the importance of parents modeling their faith, of the church modeling the faith click here, research shows that 70% of churched kids are walking away – does your church have a plan to disciple your children click here

Essential Church:Children’s Discipleship Summer Ministry cont’

By Wanda Parker

Yesterday I began a dicussion of my vision of Summer Ministry and why it is important – I will continue today.

Yesterday I spoke of Day Camps  click here to read.

Vacation Bible School: I like starting the summer off with a big bang that gets the attention not just of the church but also the community.  What better way to do that than with a well orchestrated VBS.  This is a time for the whole church to get involved – men you need to be there too.  I’ve known quite a few men to take vacation time so they could be part of VBS.  If you have several hundred kids on your campus for a week – even if just three hours each day – you must make sure everyone is prepared and trained. 

This preparation begins months ahead with the women of the church gathering to prepare the most creative crafts that can be thought of – not ones that will be thrown in the trash on the way out the church door.  These gatherings for preparation are evenings of socializing (which includes good food) and a lot of fun.  You want to make it so the women don’t want to miss out.  In the weeks before have gatherings for all leaders to be trained and prepared.  Make sure that someone is in charge of welcoming new women who don’t know anyone.

Previous to VBS all leaders who will be interacting with the kids should know the Biblical concepts that are going to be taught and how to do guided conversation with the kids around those concepts. It is best if the leaders can have memorized the verses ahead of time.  Give them games or ways to keep kids engaged when there is a lull. No matter how hard you plan things won’t go just like you planned, but if you have prepared the leaders for such times the kids won’t realize there is a lull.

Make sure you are teaching Biblical truths in a manner in which kids can grasp and internalize.  Remember that children are concrete thinkers so they don’t learn the way you and I do.  Biblical truth is abstract and floats over children’s heads unless we take the time to make that truth concrete.  Skits and Object Lessons are abstract – if you want to know more about that write me.  Here is a link though that speaks to this a little more click here

Day Trips: In the off weeks when there is no Day Camp there are fun trips to local venues depending on where your church is located.  These trips are for fun, building relationships and teaching kids that no matter where they are they are representing Jesus Christ.  I will never forget being at Disneyland when a man approached a sixth grader and asked him what “PrimeTime” was (the inscription on the t-shirts and the name of that church’s’ Children’s Ministry).  Without hestitating the kid responded, “It is the most important time of our week because it is when we are learning about Jesus.”  I stood behind them and shouted within me to the Lord, “YES! YES!”

Are you thinking intentionally about everything you do with your kids?  Are you preparing them, training them to think strategically also?  Are they learning that Biblical truths aren’t just relevant on Sunday morning but in everything they do?

Mommy and Me: a time for preschoolers to come and spend time with mom at the church in organized activities.  A time to become comfortable on the campus of the church, to feel special.  A time for young moms to connect with one another. An opportunity for older women to minister and interact alongside of younger moms and their children – hopefully rubbing off some of their wisdom.

Preschool Mornings: a time for preschoolers to be dropped off to enjoy an intentional time of play and learning about Jesus.  Building up that feeling bank that will last with them forever that the church is a safe place – an essential place to be. Building relationships with children with whom they will travel through their childhood.

Family Festivals: Usually held Saturday evenings a time of celebration, games, togetherness.  Building memories and relationships to last a life time – leading to the ultimate relationship with Jesus Christ.

In my next post I will address Super Summer Sundays – what are summer Sundays like at your church for your children?

If you have not followed the previous posts in regard to the Discipleship of Children you can do so by connecting to these links 

Here are links to previous posts on the Discipleship of Children:  Discipleship of Infants and Toddlers click here, the high calling of discipling children and the difference adults can make in the life of a child click here,  is your church raising up 1st,  2nd or 3rd generation Christians click here,  the importance of parents modeling their faith, of the church modeling the faith click here, research shows that 70% of churched kids are walking away – does your church have a plan to disciple your children click here

Essential Church – Children’s Discipleship and Summer Ministry

By Wanda Parker

Summer is a key time to engage children and fold them into the local church.  Summer is an opportunity to teach skills that are more difficult to teach when they are only with you for an hour or two.  It has been my experience that children involved with church ministry through out the summer feel much more a part of the church than those who aren’t – I will explain more below.

I am continuing the discussion of what an Essential church is for children’s discipleship.  I don’t have a quote from the book “Essential Church?” today but wanted to discuss the importance of summer ministry.   See previous posts for more on the importance of an essential church and the dsicipleship of children. Following are previous post links and topics:  Discipleship of Infants and Toddlers click here, the high calling of discipling children and the difference adults can make in life of a child click here,  is your church raising up 1st,  2nd or 3rd generation Christians click here,  the importance of parents modeling their faith, of the church modeling the faith click here, research shows that 70% of churched kids are walking away – does your church have a plan to disciple your children click here

My vision of Children’s Summer Ministry is a six to eight week ministry.  Every camp, event or trip is intentional with a purpose that goes far beyond the child’s today.  It looks out to what each child is going to need when s/he is forty – what truths do they need to know, what skills do they need to be a productive adult, where they do need to have a feeling of belonging?  What will be essential in their lives?

Day Camps: for entering second thru seventh graders every other week.  Purposes:  1.Teach the skill of planning and implementing a plan; 2.Discover in that process more about Jesus and thus more about him/herself; 3. Opportunity to have a week of fun on the church campus and thus connect more to the local church. 

Learning to plan is a vital skill that children must learn in order to succeed in life.  In her book “A Framework for Understanding Poverty,” Ruby Payne writes:

“If an individual depends upon a random episodic story structure for memory patterns, lives in an unpredictable environment, and has not developed the ability to plan, then …

“If an individual cannot plan, he/she cannot predict…

“If an individual cannot predict, he/she cannot identify cause and effect…

“If an individual cannot identify cause and effect, he/she cannot identify consequence…

“If an individual cannot identify consequence, he/she cannot control impulsivity…

“If an individual cannot control impulsivity, he/she has an inclination toward criminal behavior.”

If we are going to disciple the whole child we must teach them the skill of planning.  When you have kids for a week you can walk them through the process of planning and implementing an event.  They discover, perhaps for the first time, that they are able to create, to do some critical thinking for the best outcome and they have the skills to actually carry through on what they have planned.

Samples of such Day Camps are:   The Fun Zone (they create a Penny Carnival they hold at the end of the week), County Fair (they work all week to create a fair which includes art judging, animals, baking, plants and a carnival), Christmas in Summer (they study how Christmas is celebrated in different countries and create an evening celebration of all these customs for friends and families.)

The wonder and excitement as the kids implement what they have created is amazing.

Wow – this has gotten longer than I thought, I will continue this summer vision tomorrow.

Essential Church? Discipleship of Children – Infants and Toddlers#5

By Wanda Parker

I continue my discussion of the book “Essential Church?” and the discipleship of children.  Look at previous posts for further discussion of this topic.

Page 52 “The best time to assimilate them into the community is the time in their lives when they are the most distant and hardest to engage.”

They are speaking of teens here.

It makes me want to scream.  If you are talking about church kids why are you waiting to assimilate them until they are teens?  This process should begin in the nursery.

Children in their first year of life are given, by God, the task of learning to develop trust.  Yet where in the church do we most often change the adults who serve?  Every week there is someone different “putting in their time” in the nursery.  How can children learn to build trust within the church if every Sunday there are different adults there to greet them? 

The church has a tendency to fight against what God ordained that a child should learn in his/her first year of life – TRUST.

As a children’s pastor I always fought to have both men and women who were committed to be in the nursery every week.  In these first years children need to learn that the church isn’t just for women, it is for men too.  Yes, I know when they are 16 they won’t be able to tell you about the man who was there to greet them every Sunday – but it will be in their emotional subconcious memory bank.  It becomes part of their DNA in relation to feelings toward the church.

We must raise the bar on service to Infants and Toddlers.  We must make it an honor to be allowed to serve there.  It must be extolled from the pulpit as a place of prestige to serve in the nursery. The congregation must be taught that the nursery is not babysitting it is the first place of welcome for lost souls. 

One Sunday I arrived at church as two young families were arriving – they were all involved in the children’s ministry and were arriving early to get set up.  One of the dads took his 6 month old son out of the car seat and was walking towards the back of the car as the other dad came around the back of his car and greeted him.  When the 6 month old saw the other dad he lunged with both arms out toward the other dad. 

You see – the other dad was in the nursery every week caring for this child.  The child had bonded with him.  In that bonding with this other man there was bonding with the church.

I have to admit my heart swelled that morning as I saw the action of that child.

How are the infants and toddlers in your church being discipled?

These servants ministering with infants and toddlers should also visit them in their homes and find other ways to connect with them.  Give each family a CD of music that is played in the nursery so it can be played at home, thus providing another sense of comfort.  As I’m writing I’m wondering what could be done with smells – we know that smell is our strongest sense. 

Be intentional in your ministry to infants and toddlers.  The admonition of Deuteronomy 6 must begin in the beginning.

ESSENTIAL CHURCH AND CHILDREN’S MINSTRY #4

By Wanda Parker

I continue writing in relation to the book “Essential Church?”  To read previous Blogs click here #1,  here#2 and here#3 

Page 36 “Our youth see adults in teh church begrudgingly serving in areas for which they have little passion.”

Does your church have to beg people to serve in Children’s Ministry?

Serving children should be considered an honor, a high calling. 

As a Children’s Pastor I had high expectations of those who would serve.

• Attend an all day training in the Fall
• Attend monthly training/planning times
• Write out a plan of how they would disciple each kid beyond Sunday morning
• Minister every Sunday for nine months (yes there were substitutes for when “Disciplers” were sick or out of town)
• Given an evaluation every three months
• Be enthused and prepared
• Be vulnerable – share their own walk with the Lord with the kids – important to share the tough times

Volunteers will give you 80% of what you expect of them so you should always be expecting 120%.

I have watched as the church has lowered its expectations of those serving the children.  So as the church lowers its expectations those serving lower what they do.  We need strong leadership who will challenge people to move beyond their comfort zone.  We need to be continually reminding people of Matthew 18: 1-14 and Mark 10:13-16. 

Children know if they are truly valued.

An expensive state of the art space does not mean children are valued.  It is all about RELATIONSHIP!  plus TRUTH

Below is a story from my personal experience of how adults should be engaging children in Children’s Ministries.

Faithful adults teach coping skills for the hard knocks of life.  By being role models, they help children learn how to deal with the injustices in life. 

A Sunday school teacher was about to quit.  She had had it!  The kids weren’t responding to her and they were rude to the point of being belligerent.  She told the children’s pastor that, since she couldn’t take it any longer, this would be her last Sunday. 

“What is your lesson about this Sunday?” the pastor asked. 

“It’s on how God gets us through hard times,” she answered. 

“Well, has God helped you through a difficult time recently?” questioned the pastor. 

The teacher said, “You know He has.  My husband filed for divorce and I didn’t want to have anything to do with it.  Without Jesus walking with me each step of the way, I don’t know how I would have survived.” 

The pastor encouraged “Well, tell the kids about your struggle.” 

“My third graders?  Tell my third graders about my divorce?” she asked hesitantly. 

“Yes, tell your third graders.  They need to know that God helps people today.  They need to know that you are a real person with real problems and God is sufficient for those problems.” 

The next week as the pastor entered the Christian education wing, the Sunday school teacher came out of her room with mascara streaked down her face. 

“You won’t believe what happened today,” she said excitedly. 

“Tell me!” the pastor prodded. 

“Well, I told them all about my divorce.  I began to cry and they cried with me.  I told them about how God has really helped me.  Then, one by one, each of them told me about a tragedy in their own lives.  We all cried with each other.  It is the best morning I have ever had.” 

Faithful adults can identify needs. 

By being open and vulnerable with her third graders, the Sunday school teacher gave the children permission to be open and vulnerable with her.  She heard stories of homes that were falling apart, of families needing support and encouragement, and of children needing to know that God can meet all their needs.

Meeting needs doesn’t mean things will get better – it does mean Jesus’ presence and the knowledge there is a purpose in the pain one is going through.  It does mean strength to keep on keeping on when you think you won’t be able to.  Kids need to grasp these truths – not the lie that if you come to Jesus your life will be wonderful and without pain.